Alone with my Thoughts
I woke up to the still and quiet, just before the first
light of dawn. After such a deep sleep, my body was completely
relaxed, so relaxed that I didn't want such sublime rest
to end. My mind was alert and my thoughts were crystal clear.
It was the kind of clarity that can only come when there
is nothing to distract, nothing to interfere with hearing
the very deep things in your heart.
It was amazing to see how easily I could focus on every
detail of the events of the day before. The motivation of
every act and every encounter, how I treated people, what
I did and why, was vividly clear to me as I watched the
instant replay of these things in my mind over and over.
It was impossible to escape the judgment of my thoughts
as I considered how my behavior had been. In some instances,
my mind defended me, but in others it accused me. I could
not deny the accuracy of these inward judgments and it made
me want to quickly make right all the wrongs I had done.
How different it was to see and perceive things about my
life so clearly! I rarely take the time to really consider
the outcome of my thoughts and actions. My life is filled
with so many interesting things to do that I hardly ever
consider the consequences. My mind is bombarded with so
much information every day that it is never clear enough
to speak to me about the things in my life that bother me
inside.
Then, as I lay there, continuing to ponder these things,
the most startling and shocking thought entered my mind.
What if I were confined to this darkness and silence with
no way to get out? What if I were in a place where the light
of day never came? What if I were left alone with no one
to talk to or nothing to do but listen to my thoughts as
they constantly analyzed every aspect and every detail of
everything I had done since the day I was born?
Could this be what death will be like, having to deal with
the fact that you really did have a conscience which was
the voice of the instinctive knowledge of good and evil
within you? In the absolute darkness, confinement and silence
of death, will every person wish that he had listened when
he had the opportunity? How will you reason your way out
of the crystal-clear judgment within you? At this point
you will realize that your conscience really was your friend,
trying to warn you many times of the things that were leading
you to this place of death.
Perhaps the greatest agony will be the realization that
you had a chance and you ignored it. You will know that
you are guilty, and in the silent agony and lonely isolation
of death, you will learn to admit the guilt of every infraction
of conscience until you have admitted everything, until
you have paid every last cent you owe. The power and clarity
of the voice of your conscience will outlast every cry of
your most complex reasoning to justify your guilt.
Can you imagine remembering every selfish act, every wrong
motive, every hurtful thing you ever did? Can you imagine
the torture of not having any way to undo the things that
you finally admit are wrong? This penalty will make everyone
who experiences it weep with loud groanings. Some will be
broken-hearted by this discipline of death. At the great
Day of Judgment for all mankind, they will find mercy and
forgiveness, for they will have paid in full the penalty
for their guilt. Others will only harden their hearts beyond
remedy. They will never find mercy, for they will persist
in loving evil and will not accept the penalty for their
guilt. Therefore, at the great Day of Judgment they will
go to a second death, the Sea of Fire. From this place there
is no release, not ever, for all eternity.
As I consider these things, it thrills me to know that
there was a man who once lived on this earth who had compassion
for all mankind. He realized more deeply than I ever could
the sentence of death that we are all facing for our guilt.
He gladly took it upon Himself and willingly died for us.
He experienced the loneliness, the darkness, the agony of
separation from life and He was completely innocent. He
made it possible that through His blood we could be forgiven
in this life right now. We can be set free from the sentence
of death and live a life of love for Him and for His people.
This is the greatest news, the most profound headline that
could ever be seen or heard. He dealt with the source of
loneliness for all of us, when His blood covered our guilt
and removed every barrier that separated us from our Creator.
Whoever keeps His word will never see death.
~ Hakam
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